England beat Croatia 4-2 on Wednesday night in Dallas, and the English internet, which has a default setting of anticipating disaster, briefly malfunctioned.
It was England’s first group-stage World Cup win in actual match time since 2018, a statistic that requires some navigation. In 2021 they reached the final and lost on penalties to Italy, a result that produced a national mood that is not worth revisiting. In 2024 they reached the semifinal and lost on penalties to the Netherlands, a result that produced the same mood. The penalties keep coming. England keep losing them. This is not something the 4-2 victory over Croatia changes but it is something the 4-2 victory over Croatia cannot be blamed for reminding everyone of.
Harry Kane scored twice, which means he now has tournament goals and also has his boots back after someone stole them from the team’s luggage transfer between Florida and Kansas City last week. Jude Bellingham scored once. Marcus Rashford, who was dropped from the Euro 2025 squad entirely, who has been described in British sports columns using the phrase “at a crossroads” for approximately 18 months, who the tabloids had decided was finished, scored the fourth goal. He celebrated by doing nothing in particular with great feeling.
The post-match social media cycle ran its full course in under an hour. Posts declaring football coming home. Counter-posts noting the last seven times that phrase was used. Meta-posts about the cycle itself. One account that calculated the exact probability England wins the tournament given their draw, which is not information anyone needed but which received 40,000 likes anyway because England fans cannot resist a number that looks optimistic.
Ghana and Panama remain in the group stage. The round of 16 is after that. The quarterfinals are after that.
When England wins their opener 4-2 and the country’s first reaction is to start calculating ways it can go wrong, what exactly has 60 years without a World Cup done to a nation?
Sources
HELLO! Magazine: Royal Family LIVE, England win
GB News World Cup
